Humour

[BAH101]

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit didn't like each other very much. One day, while walking through the woods, and they came across a golden frog.


They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn't often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes. He told them that they could have three wishes each.


Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head. Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish.


Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine. Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world.


The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish. Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said: "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rode off as fast as he could!

 

[Tin Falcon]

Thought you hunters would like this. My wife saw some wearing a shirt like this had to tell me.

it reads
"There's a Place For All God's Creatures...Right Next to the Potatoes & Gravy!"
photo is a link to outdoorsuperstore.com
Tin

 

[90LX_Notch]

That shirt goes along with what I tell cat people...

I love cats....with butter and brown gravy.
Or
Cat the other white meat.

Sorry to the members who have cats; I am deathly allergic to them.

 

[Tin Falcon]

If you grow up on a farm there are three kinds of animals
1) Food: cattle chickens game animals
2)Work animals :Horses dogs mules oxen Cats
the work animals sometimes also become pets but they still earn there Keep.
4) Vermin / pests: these are killed but not usually eaten ie rats mice etc.
#1 rule the food animals do not become pets and the pets do not become food.
Tin

 

[Maryak]

I love cats....with butter and brown gravy.
Or
Cat the other white meat.

Another one dragged out of the memory bank as a result of 90's post.

On the menu for the duty watch dinner, whilst alongside in Garden Island Dockyard, was "Fricassee of Chicken." We in the duty watch duly ate said dinner. The duty cook was allowed to go home after dinner as long as he was back in time to make breakfast. Off went said cook but alas, he was stopped at the gate by the dockyard police and his bag was searched. Included in the contents were 14 nice plump fat chickens for which he could not account!

Without further ado he was arrested for stealing. At his subsequent interrogation he admitted that the chickens were from the ships stores. Further prompting by the ships OOD revealed that he and the rest of us who were duty had been served "Fricassee of Dockyard Cat." The cook had a supply deal going with his local chicken shop. There was a hell of a rush on laxatives from the sick bay. : ;D

Best Regards
Bob

 

[zeeprogrammer]

So cat does taste like chicken. ;D

 

[Tin Falcon]

I love cats....with butter and brown gravy.
Or
Cat the other white meat.

Sorry to the members who have cats; I am deathly allergic to them.

Why would anyone knowingly eat something they are allergic to.???

Further prompting by the ships OOD revealed that he and the rest of us who were duty had been served "Fricassee of Dockyard Cat."

...witch accounts for the sudden increase in the appearance of "Dockyard Mice " and "Dockyard rats"....


Tin

 

[vlmarshall]

...witch accounts for the sudden increase in the appearance of "Dockyard Mice " and "Dockyard rats"....

Spaghetti & meatballs tommorrow, I assume.

 

[Maryak]

So cat does taste like chicken. ;D

Depends on 2 things :-

Who cooked it ( most navy cooks could make everything have a similar look feel and taste despite its origins being animal vegetable or mineral)
and
How hungry you are.

Best Regards
Bob

 

[90LX_Notch]

Tin,

I am responding to this because you posted twice now in regards to my cat humor.

I certainly hope that you don't think I eat cats. I may hate them; but I don't eat them. It's what I say to the cat people I know to get a chuckle out of them. Hell, I even got my daughter's ballet teacher to smile over it and she is the biggest ASPCA/PETA person I know. All the money from the dance recitals goes to the local animal shelter.

I appologize if you're a cat person, but I did end that post with:
"Sorry to the members who have cats; I am deathly allergic to them." (Trip to hospital, do not past go.)
It was posted in the humor thread in response to your tee shirt post; which, is in fact the same humor and would be offensive to the anti crowd.

Please let it go. It was a joke.

Bob

 

[Maryak]

Spaghetti & meatballs tommorrow, I assume.

Well..............................................Anything other than chicken ;D ;D

Best Regards
Bob

 

[Tin Falcon]

Bob:
It is OK. I am a cat lover . I can take a joke . Just a few friendly jabs back. These were not intended to offend you either.
If I was really offended the post would have been deleted and or you would have gotten a PM or e-mail letting you know in no uncertain terms of the offense.
So in good faith and for the sake of humor here is a u-tube video
you can share with your peta friends.


[youtube=425,350]<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/RrI8V9ffMdg&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/RrI8V9ffMdg&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>[/youtube]
Tin

 

[90LX_Notch]

Tin,

Very good one. That's the hardest I've laughed in a while. Rof} Rof} Rof} Rof}

Thanks,
Bob

Oh yea, "Meow".

 

[putputman]

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight," the boy replied.
The man continued, "do you know what these are used for?"
The boy replied, "not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him.. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either."

 

[rake60]

The Story of the Little Bird...

The little bird is in his nest. Mom has been away for some time
and he's getting tired of his brothers and sisters squawking so
he decides to fly away. He jumps from the nest only to find he
can't fly yet. Now he's on the ground feeling lonely and cold, so
he starts chirping. A cow in the field hears his distress calls and
goes over to try and help. The cow can see the little bird is cold
but doesn't have many resources available so she turns around and
does what cows naturally do, she ***** on him.
Now the the little bird is warm but still not happy! He continues
to squawk. A fox in the field hears the noise and goes to investigate.
He picks up the little bird cleans him off a bit and eats him.

Moral of the story.....

Not everyone who ***** on you is your enemy.

Not everyone who takes **** off of you is your friend.

BUT, when your in **** up to your neck it's best to keep
your mouth shut!



Rick

 

[scoop]

seeing as most of the jokes seem to have animal theme this week,here is a canine one.

Q. what do you call a dog with no tongue?



A. Smelly bollocks.


Please excuse my french

Steve.

 

[Tin Falcon]

Here is another one yo do it yourselfers may enjoy


[youtube=425,350]<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/7psfk5CWxK8&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/7psfk5CWxK8&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>[/youtube]
Tin

 

[joe d]

Time to change the subject from kitties....



It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.

The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

Fr'eeze a jolly good fellow.


Joe

 

[Holescreek]

The Story of the Little Bird...

A slightly different version of that "The little sparrow" was written on a very big sign over the receiving desk at the movement center, USMC base Camp Pendleton when I went through there in 1977. Nothing course or dirty, but it really drove the point home.

 

[rake60]

Here's a local news flash!
Area residents are waking to to find they have been "Flamingoed".

It is a fund raising effort by a local church youth group.
The kids come in the dark of night and stick plastic pink
flamingos in your front yard along with a sign telling the property
owner who the they are.

You have to pay them a fee of $20 minimum to have the flamingos removed.
For an extra $5 you get to choose who's property will be flocked next!
It's been a lot of fun for everyone in town and the kids are
making out great with their fund raising effort. They haven't got me yet but
I wouldn't be a bit surprised......

Rick