Humour

[zeeprogrammer]

Also not mine...

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

...and how was your day?

 

[cobra428]

Zee,

Rof} Rof} Rof}

Tony

 

[dsquire]

Zee

Rof} Rof} Rof} That's priceless, for everything else, there is MasterCard!!

Cheers

Don

 

[Powder keg]

Rof} Rof} Rof} Rof} Rof}

 

[PhillyVa]

Oh ZEEP that's too much

Rof} Rof} Rof} Rof} Rof}

Philly

 

[BigBore]

I found some cheap airline tickets to Minnesota.......



View attachment LutranAirlines.mp3

 

[d.bick]

Any one else had problems with the wifes christmas present
Dave Bick

 

[rake60]

We are constantly emphasizing shop safety here.
Injuries outside the shop are probably more common.

A moment of distraction, poor decisions, elitism or just plain
stupidity can also result in property damage, personal injury,
or just looking like an idiot...

Here is some PROOF!
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnlmtf_9NNY[/ame]

Let's be safe now!

Rick

 

[jack.39]

"Imagine whirled peas".

 

[sourdoughsmitty]

Well it was a rats day at work and I needed a laugh so I visited this page , well I got one and then some so I thought I would add one or 2 to the list
Seems i was in the mood to fish for black bass one night and off i went ,when i got there I realized i left the bait bucket home --so off on a search i went knowing that black bass are really hot for frogs. Wellllllll the only frog I found was in the mouth of a black snake ,I took it away from him ;D, but feeling guilty about it I gave the snake a snort out of my ever present flask . A bit later i feel this tap on my leg and i look down and here is that same black snake with annother froggy in his mouth :big: :big: :big: ahh wth I just had a senior moment and forgot the other one :big: smitty

 

[rake60]

I wonder if this place has an online web store?

I've been up that creek without a paddle more often in the shop
than anywhere else. They must have a machinist's department...

Rick

 

[polepenhollow]

Not many people are aware of it, but Franz Liszt actually had a younger brother named Gary. He was quite the rebel and, unlike his older brother, who was an undisputed virtuoso of the piano, Gary Liszt chose to express himself in a style of music that approximates today's hip-hop. Unfortunately, the mainstream culture of the day had no appreciation for the genre, so while still a teenager, Gary moved from their hometown of Doborj‡n to a nearby village that was more accepting of him and his talents, a city that was, in fact, founded upon rap music. Gary knew that he had arrived.
Sadly, just a few months later, Franz received a telegram from the authorities of this town, and the news was not good. Apparently Gary had gotten too wrapped up in his life as a hip- hop artist, becoming a full-fledged gangsta and, ultimately, killing a cop. The telegram reported this news along with the horrifying bottom line, that Gary had been summarily executed in the manner customary for the locale.
As Franz read the news of his brother's death, his eyes filled with tears. Just then his assistant happened by and, noticing his despair, inquired, "What troubles thee, My Lord?"
To which Franz replied, "They hung Gary in Rap City, No. 2

 

[Cedge]

Polpen....
Now ya done it..... It took us months to wind Marv Klotz down from his last Pun Frenzy....LOL. Shoulda read that memo...(grin)

Steve

 

[mklotz]

Just to annoy Steve...

A Wyoming rancher had a bull named Caesar who was
getting old so he decided to sell him on the auction market.
The only problem was that the nearest railroad was miles
away and across a river that hadn't yet been bridged.

Since Caesar had grown somewhat crotchety in his old age,
the rancher organized a crew of three men who he sent off
with his ranch foreman to lead Caesar to the railroad line.
After two days of travel Caesar and the crew arrived at the
river near the market town. The tired crew members
suggested to their foreman that they be allowed to relax and
fish awhile before catching the ferryboat.

"What shall we do with Caesar while you fish?, asked the
foreman. The men replied, "Oh, he can just graze on this lush grass
along the river."

After a long period of thought the foreman decreed, "WE CAME TO FERRY CAESAR, NOT TO GRAZE HIM!"

 

[1hand]

PLEASE BOW YOUR HEADS FOR A BIT OF PRAYER.

OUR FARVE-THER WHO ART IN MISSISSIPPI, HOLLOWED BE THY NAME. THY BOWL WILL COME, IT WILL BE WON, IN MIAMI AS IT IS IN THE DOME. GIVE US THIS SUNDAY, OUR WEEKLY WIN. GIVE US TOUCHDOWN PASSES, BUT DO NOT LET OURS PASS AGAINST US. LEAD US NOT INTO FRUSTRATION, BUT DELIVER US TO THE SUPER BOWL. FOR THINE........IS THE MVP..........,THE BEST OF THE NFC, AND THE GLORY OF THE PURPLE PEOPLE EATERS NOW AND FOREVER.......AMEN;

MATT ;D

 

[Artie]

Huh?

"Please bow your heads for prayer"??

After reading some of these jokes.... some of you should bow your heads in SHAME!

Rof} Rof} Rof} Rof} Rof} Rof} Rof} Rof} Rof} Rof} Rof} Rof} Rof} Rof} Rof}

 

[zeeprogrammer]

Darn it.

Just a moment ago I was feeling pretty good about this forum (vodka helps).
Thinking what a great bunch of people (vodka helps).
And then I run into this thread...there ain't enough vodka.

Marv...you said..."Just to annoy Steve"
I think you overshot. :big:

 

[mklotz]

Gee, there's just no pleasing some people. I give you nice stories with good literary references meant to elevate your intellect and do I get any respect, any compliments, any recognition of my research and editing? No, just sarcastic comments. Just remember what Sibelius said, you guys..."Nobody ever erected a statue to honor a critic."

Clearly what's required is something that appeals more closely to the cultural sophistication of my critics...


Have you heard about the man who got the job driving the bus for Sesame
Street? He was really looking forward to meeting all the Sesame St.
characters, and so he was filled with great anticipation his first day on the
job. As he stood outside the bus waiting for his riders to begin to arrive,
the first person he saw approaching the bus was an *extremely* large woman. Before she boarded the bus, he asked her her name. Huffing and puffing from the exertion of walking, she replied, "My name is Patty."

"Well, Patty, climb on board. We'll be leaving shortly." The next passenger,
a man just as big as the woman, was wearing a large green suit. When asked his name by the new driver, he replied with a noticeable accent, "My name is Patrick...I'm Irish, you know. My friends all call me 'Patty'."

"Patty, meet Patty. You two can get to know each other while I await several more passengers that I see coming." As the new driver stood there, he found himself thinking, "Where are Bert and Ernie???" The next passenger was a little retarded boy. "Hi, little boy. What's your name?" "My name is Ross, and my parents tell me I'm special."

"Ross, I'm really glad to have a nice boy like you ride on my bus today.
Climb on, and we'll leave in just a minute." The last person to approach the
bus was a really strange looking man. "Hello, sir. What's your name?" In a
surly manner he answered, "My name is Lester Creep!" For lack of anything
better to say, he told him, "Lester, we're about to leave so please have a
seat." Now the driver was really thinking, "I thought I was going to meet Big Bird and Cookie Monster!!!" As he was pulling away from the curb, he looked in his rear view mirror. Much to his horror, he saw Lester sitting there with his shoe off, picking at a bunion or something on his big toe.

"Oh, gross!" he thought. "This is nothing like I thought it would be! No Bert, no Ernie! Just a bunch of weirdos!!!"

He mulled it all over for a while, then suddenly he began to smile. He
thought to himself, "Who would ever believe that, the first day on my new job I have two obese Patties, special Ross, and Lester Creep pickin' bunions on a Sesame Street Bus?!?!"

 

[zeeprogrammer]

Rof} Rof}
That was great.
Bad.
But great.
My kind of stuff.
I wish my family appreciated it.

 

[Cedge]

Yup.... this could take a while....LOL

Steve