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Then she says "Don't YES DEAR me in that tone of voice !"
Fess up - how many of you read that and heard it in your wifes voice in your head.
Ken
Fess up - how many of you read that and heard it in your wifes voice in your head.
Ken
AussieJimG
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On the first day of a cruise, I met a bloke in the laundry ironing his sports coat.
I said that the coat looked ok to me and wondered why he was bothering.
His answer was that his wife thought it needed ironing so he figured that the
coat needed ironing more than he needed an argument.
A true pragmatist. I have found his advice worth following.
Jim
I said that the coat looked ok to me and wondered why he was bothering.
His answer was that his wife thought it needed ironing so he figured that the
coat needed ironing more than he needed an argument.
A true pragmatist. I have found his advice worth following.
Jim
J
JorgensenSteam
Guest
Shortly after my wife and I were married, an old gent pulled me off to one side after church one day, and said "Look sonny, my wife and I have been happily married for almost 50 years".
"Wow" I said, "What is the secret to a happy marriage?"
He said "Well, she does things her way, and I do things.........her way".
"Wow" I said, "What is the secret to a happy marriage?"
He said "Well, she does things her way, and I do things.........her way".
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Haveing raised three grils I pretty much know what and how their clothes are labled . After I remarried my new wife and I were shoping in the women clothes and she asked me if I know what the W stood for and I said yes . are you ready for this I said WIDE the rest is history .
Mosey
Well-Known Member
This Sunday is Mothers' Day as you all know. I'm hoping that the wonderful card with the "L" word on it, and the fine dinner Sunday night might distract somewhat from the new collet chuck I just ordered. I'm happily still happily married to my 1st wife of 51 years.
Hello folks,
just found this on the joe-ks.com site.
...hope you like it, too.
Exam question for a university physics class: Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer.
One students answer: You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building.
This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed. The student appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case. The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics. To resolve the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics.
For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in thought. The arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the student replied that he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldnt make up his mind which to use.
On being advised to hurry up, the student replied as follows:
Firstly, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the skyscraper, drop it over the edge, and measure the time it takes to reach the ground. The height of the building can then be worked out from the formula H = 0.5g x t squared. But bad luck on the barometer.
Or if the sun is shining you could measure the height of the barometer, then set it on end and measure the length of its shadow. Then you measure the length of the skyscrapers shadow, and thereafter it is a simple matter of proportional arithmetic to work out the height of the skyscraper.
But if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a short piece of string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum, first at ground level and then on the roof of the skyscraper. The height is worked out by the difference in the gravitational restoring force T = 2 pi sqroot (l / g).
Or if the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it would be easier to walk up it and mark off the height of the skyscraper in barometer lengths, then add them up.
If you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, of course, you could use the barometer to measure the air pressure on the roof of the skyscraper and on the ground, and convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the height of the building.
But since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise independence of mind and apply scientific methods, undoubtedly the best way would be to knock on the janitors door and say to him If you would like a nice new barometer, I will give you this one if you tell me the height of this skyscraper.
The student was Niels Bohr - the only person from Denmark to win the Nobel prize for Physics.
just found this on the joe-ks.com site.
...hope you like it, too.
Exam question for a university physics class: Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer.
One students answer: You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building.
This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed. The student appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case. The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics. To resolve the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics.
For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in thought. The arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the student replied that he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldnt make up his mind which to use.
On being advised to hurry up, the student replied as follows:
Firstly, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the skyscraper, drop it over the edge, and measure the time it takes to reach the ground. The height of the building can then be worked out from the formula H = 0.5g x t squared. But bad luck on the barometer.
Or if the sun is shining you could measure the height of the barometer, then set it on end and measure the length of its shadow. Then you measure the length of the skyscrapers shadow, and thereafter it is a simple matter of proportional arithmetic to work out the height of the skyscraper.
But if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a short piece of string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum, first at ground level and then on the roof of the skyscraper. The height is worked out by the difference in the gravitational restoring force T = 2 pi sqroot (l / g).
Or if the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it would be easier to walk up it and mark off the height of the skyscraper in barometer lengths, then add them up.
If you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, of course, you could use the barometer to measure the air pressure on the roof of the skyscraper and on the ground, and convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the height of the building.
But since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise independence of mind and apply scientific methods, undoubtedly the best way would be to knock on the janitors door and say to him If you would like a nice new barometer, I will give you this one if you tell me the height of this skyscraper.
The student was Niels Bohr - the only person from Denmark to win the Nobel prize for Physics.
Niels Bohr travelled to America on an ocean liner with Albert Einstein.
On arival in America newpaper reporters asked him if he had discussed relativity with Einstein.
He said "Yes, we spent several hours every day discussing relativity and I can tell you this - Einstein understands it !"
Ken
On arival in America newpaper reporters asked him if he had discussed relativity with Einstein.
He said "Yes, we spent several hours every day discussing relativity and I can tell you this - Einstein understands it !"
Ken
Maryak
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FUNNY ONE - LINERS
The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.
Alcohol is a perfect solvent : It dissolves marriages, families and careers.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
Archeologist: someone whose career lies in ruins.
An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have : The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
There are two kinds of people who don't say much : those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what? Who's in a hurry ?
My girlfriend asked me, "Do You believe in love at first sight"? I said, "At the first sight of what"?
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married ... and then it was too late.
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.
The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.
Alcohol is a perfect solvent : It dissolves marriages, families and careers.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
Archeologist: someone whose career lies in ruins.
An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have : The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
There are two kinds of people who don't say much : those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what? Who's in a hurry ?
My girlfriend asked me, "Do You believe in love at first sight"? I said, "At the first sight of what"?
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married ... and then it was too late.
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.
pkastagehand
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Man is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished.
Maryak said:
Gambling is a tax you pay for not understanding mathematics.
Ken
checkedout
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HA... I've always had that phrase for "The Lottery" (in whatever iteration people may participate in).
"The Lottery is a tax for people who don't understand math."
"The Lottery is a tax for people who don't understand math."
Well all I can say to that is ..
x! * (n-x)!
__________
n!
(or 15.89 million to 1 for a 6 out of 50 draw - or - 13.98 million to 1 if there's no zero))
Ken
x! * (n-x)!
__________
n!
(or 15.89 million to 1 for a 6 out of 50 draw - or - 13.98 million to 1 if there's no zero))
Ken
I have a lot of tshirts with funny sayings, I always wear them to work to lighten themood a bit. I get some laughs, and occasionally asked how I have the audacity to wear some of them .
- It's only funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's hilarious.
- Don't rush me. I get paid by the hour.
- I'm not trying to be difficult. It comes naturally.
- It's not that I forget, I just don't care.
- hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil, have no fun.
And many others I can't think of off the top of my head.
-Ryan
-edited because my idiot 'smartphone' replaced half the words I typed with the wrong ones.
- It's only funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's hilarious.
- Don't rush me. I get paid by the hour.
- I'm not trying to be difficult. It comes naturally.
- It's not that I forget, I just don't care.
- hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil, have no fun.
And many others I can't think of off the top of my head.
-Ryan
-edited because my idiot 'smartphone' replaced half the words I typed with the wrong ones.
A few lines from Ogden Nash on the subject of marriage:
Marriage is a legal and religious alliance entered into between one person who can't sleep with the windows shut, and another who can't sleep with the windows open.
He also said marriage was a union between a man who can never remember birthdays or anniversaries, and a woman who can never forget.
If you want to keep your marriage filled
with love from the loving cup,
when you're wrong, admit it
and when you're right, shut up.
