At times it is either laughing or crying, I'm know which one I would rather do.
But it can be fun, just don't get too serious.
I think now is the time to tell you about my time in the desert.
In my youth, I had just celebrated my 21st birthday a couple of days before, I was stationed at a little known RAF base 14 miles from Dubai (when Dubai was still a camel stop and slave trading port).
I worked on the visiting aircraft team, where aircraft from all nations would be serviced and looked after during their brief stopover.
Money was tight in those days, and to gain a little bit more, (about 50 cents per day) we all volunteered for S.A.N.D.U. Which meant whoevers turn it was, emptied the chemical toilets on these visiting aircraft.
It was my turn, and the aircraft was one of the worst type, A Russian AN12 being flown by the Indian Air Force with about 30 passengers. I don't know how long they had been in the air, or what they had been eating, all I will say was that the toilets were overflowing and rather ripe, with a faint aroma of curry in the air.
No such luck on this one, no automatic emptying into a plug in trolley, this was a manual job.
Out came the chemi toilets (polished stainless, with a crap flap on the top), very similar that you get in touring caravans.
These delightful little units were then lashed onto the running boards of an aircraft towing tractor, just in front of my feet as I was driving. I don't know if you know, but towing tractors have no suspension at all, a real spine shattering ride.
Anyway, to continue. We were in someone elses country, so no proper disposal area, just dump it where it couldn't be seen (or smelt). So off the runway and out into the desert, looking for a dark patch. The dark patch, as you get closer, actually rises into the air, millions of great big black lazy flies, hovering over a previous 'dump'.
This time however, because the chemis were rather full, and I was driving a little too fast over hard packed sand, things started to get into a rhythm.
The tractor was jumping up and down and swaying side to side, the contents of the chemis were doing the same thing inside the tank.
Everything started to get into synchronisation, the tractor on the way down, the contents on the way up and then the crap flap decided to drop on one of the units. The contents were ejected into the air, and because we were in forward motion, I got it, full and square. Five gallons of bright blue chemical toilet water plus the contents of the bowels of about 30 Indian airmen, dripping from all my extremities, not a pretty sight (or smell). It took days to get the blue tinge off my skin, but weeks to get over the continual taunting, that is until it happened again, luckily to someone else, he then became the butt of all the jokes, especially from me.
All told, they were the best twelve months of my life.
If I get bored again I just might tell you about the time I was up to my thighs in a swamp, trying to get a helicopter out who was in the same predicament.
John
