humor

[Bourne Bill]

#1 (permalink)
TS18997
Senior Member




Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Flower Mound, Tx
Posts: 621
No Sex Since 1955

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NO SEX SINCE 1955

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a
local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely
young idealistic liberal ladies in attendance, one of whom approached
the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious
man.. Is something bothering you?" "Negative,
ma'am. Just serious by nature.."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks
like you have seen a lot of action." "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You
know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy
yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this
the wrong way, but when was the last time you had sex?

"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You
really need to chill out and relax! I mean no sex since 1955!
Come with me." She took his hand and led him to a private room
where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterward, panting for breath, she leaned against his grizzled bare
chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since
1955."

The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his
watch, "I hope not; it's only 2130 now."


Gotta love military time

 

[pkastagehand]

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80's - a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.


(Wait for it)


She smiled and explained,

"I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

 

[pkastagehand]

Humorous with a ring of truth maybe? Something made me remember this one today, though I don't remember the source to give credit.

The filth of the world is a constant. To get something clean you have to get something else dirty.

Paul

 

[rleete]

A Man texts his Neighbor...

I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess.
I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around.
In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse.
I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my
sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.

The man, anguished and feeling betrayed, went into his bedroom,
grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.




A few moments later, a second text came in:

Damn auto correct. I meant "wifi", not "wife".