# Idiot Sightings



## dsquire (Mar 17, 2011)

*Idiot Sightings*


I feel like a [size=22pt]VALEDICTORIAN !!!!!
I handed the teller @ my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00 
I said "May I have large bills, please"

She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."
When I got up off the floor I explained it to her....
[/size]



*IDIOT SIGHTING*
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.'

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS

 *IDIOT SIGHTING*
We had to have the garage door repaired. 
The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. 
He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. 
He said, 'NO, it's not..' Four is larger than two.'     

We haven't used Sears repair since.



*IDIOT SIGHTING*
  My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. 
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. 
She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back. 
She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request. 
I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.' 
The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change. 

Do not confuse the clerks at McD's. 



*IDIOT SIGHTING *
I live in a semi rural area.
We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office
to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.
The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! 
I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

From Kingman , KS 


*IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE*
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell  and ordered a taco. 
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' 
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.
 -- From Kansas City   



*IDIOT SIGHTING*
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 
'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' 
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' 
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

Happened in Birmingham , Ala. 



 *IDIOT SIGHTING*
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. 
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. 
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. 
Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS  


*IDIOT SIGHTING*
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear co-worker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,' 
our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.' 
Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.


*IDIOT SIGHTING* 
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself 
and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. 

A deputy with the Dallas  County Sheriffs office, no less. 



*IDIOT SIGHTING *
How would you pronounce this child's name?
"Le-a"
Leah??        NO
Lee - A??      NOPE 
Lay - a??       NO 
Lei??     Guess Again. 
This child attends a school in Kansas City, Mo. 
Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong. 
It's pronounced "Ledasha". 
When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent." 

SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash. 
If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent.
       [size=22pt] (PRICELESS!)

STAY ALERT!
They walk among us......and they VOTE and hold office... 

[/size]​
Cheers 

Don


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## Ken I (Mar 17, 2011)

My son had a broken speedo cable so the indicator was pegged at zero.

On going through a speed trap he commented to his girlfriend "damn I've just gone through a speed trap".

Her response was "Its O.K. your speedo is reading zero !"

Wheeeeeeeeeeeee

Ken


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## DOC123 (Mar 20, 2011)

Most of these may be urban myths but sadly the bably names are close.
See 
http://thingsboganslike.com/a-bogue-by-any-other-name/


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## Tin Falcon (Mar 20, 2011)

Personal Idiot sightings. Short version random order. 

1) office worker using the retaining pit wall of a Gasoline tank as a smoking lounge. 
2) Lowes manager asking where he could get a 3ft steel rule. 
3)Telling a chemical plant operator that the scale does not work because the power cord is missing. 
4) changing a printer ribbon in a "malfunctioning" printer because the office manager had no idea it had one or how to change it. 
This is not urban legend folks I was there and witnessed this behavior. 


as far as namesI have crossed paths with Candice Kane, I know a plumber named Leek , I see sparks electric trucks on a regular basis. There used to be a Benders Auto body shop nearby and IIRC there was a proctologist in town named Plumber. The other day i met a mechanic named Spare. No not kidding.
Tin


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## steamer (Mar 20, 2011)

office worker using the retaining pit wall of a Gasoline tank as a smoking lounge..."





Well Tin, as a wise man once said...Can't fix Stupid!

Dave


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## Tin Falcon (Mar 20, 2011)

A former co worker was working in the local fire dept rescue detail . My buddy asked a driver for his I D the name Shithead. no the person said it is Shi-thead. my buddy's response was "That is not how we pronounce it in America." (BTW the dash is silent in this case)
Tin


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## mygrizzly1022 (Mar 20, 2011)

Hi All

 Recently when returning to my truck in the Canadian Tire parking lot I came across a young women struggling with a dead battery in her electronic key fob.
Try as she may the car doors remained locked. I offered to help and she gave me the device and said you try maybe it will work for you. I handed it back to her and asked her to try the key that said GM on it.
She looked at me rather sheepishly and asked rather demurely, Could we pretend this conversation never took place? I assured her of course I would not tell a soul, to which she responded I bet.
I live in a fairly small town and I come across this young lady from time to time and I am always greeted with a warm smile, and a wink.

Regards...Bert


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## bearcar1 (Mar 20, 2011)

Aooooooooooah! Bert you dog you! ("keep this little incident between between you and me") I'll just bet you did. :shrug: well, maybe........ :big:


BC1
Jim


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## mygrizzly1022 (Mar 20, 2011)

Jim.... I have to hope she is not a hobby metal worker... Bert


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## Chitownmachine (Mar 20, 2011)

my boss tried convincing me that 3/4" decimal equiv is .34"....to which i replied, "No, its .75" A little more arguing and I asked him to take a calculator and divide 3/4 which he did and got .75 to which he told me that the calculator is wrong. And he considers me the dumb one??


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## woodchip85 (Mar 20, 2011)

A co-worker explaining the reason why people swim the English channel from England to France and not the other way round is it was down hill so it made easier Rof}


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## Tin Falcon (Mar 20, 2011)

An old friend of mine had his ex wife convinced that his poor grandfather died at the tender age of five after falling out of a tree. think about it!
Tin


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## nev (Mar 20, 2011)

Saw a policeman once with the Name "Ian Bashem"
Signed his name "I Bashem"


Had an argement with a female once who insisted that a quarter of a year is four months


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## MachineTom (Mar 20, 2011)

An employee of 3 years one day asked me why I never got out of my wheelchair. After looking at him like he had 3 heads, I said its because i am paralized from the nipple line down. He asked why don't I just excersise more and build up my muscles!

A brain on some people is such a waste.


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## Bernd (Mar 20, 2011)

Bert  said:
			
		

> Hi All
> 
> Recently when returning to my truck in the Canadian Tire parking lot I came across a young women struggling with a dead battery in her electronic key fob.
> Try as she may the car doors remained locked. I offered to help and she gave me the device and said you try maybe it will work for you. I handed it back to her and asked her to try the key that said GM on it.



I had a moment like that with my wife. I'll tell you since she doesn't read this forum.............yet.

We had to be at our financier, so I meet her in the parking lot. And to make a long story short - she needed to get back in the car. She came back to me all frazzled saying she couldn't unlock the door. I went out with her with key fob in hand. I pressed the unlock button, nothing happened. Her response, "see I told you so". Then I push the second buttom and the key unfolds, I unlock the car door. 

The look on her face................PRICELESS

But the best one I ever saw in person was a driver locking their door with the convertiable top "down".
Bernd


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## jct842 (Mar 20, 2011)

abut 20 years ago I used to have an African Grey parrot and a blond girlfriend. I used to give the bird tooth picks which he would take in his foot (hand) and nip off tiny chinks of it and roll them around under his top beak to clean it. then spit the pieces out. the blond one day asks why he had a tooth pick so I said the bird was picking junk out of his teeth. about 5 min later she screams at me  "birds don't have teeth!"


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## shred (Mar 20, 2011)

Bernd  said:
			
		

> But the best one I ever saw in person was a driver locking their door with the convertiable top "down".
> Bernd


On my convertible, you have to lock it to set the alarm & anti-theft. People look at me weird when I do it though


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## Twmaster (Mar 20, 2011)

Here's a couple I've been witness (or is that wit-less) to:

1. My best friend's girlfriend asked me how to spell I.D.
2. A girl with the first name of Trey'Sure. She said it's pronounced 'treasure'. *sigh*

 and #3. The best for last.

I used to work for an Internet Service Provider. We had a huge. I mean monstrous diesel generator out behind the building. We needed to keep gear inside powered 24/7. The manager from the used car lot across the alley came over one day while we were outside goofing off.

He wanted to ask us not to turn our generator on during business hours. Ok, I'm looking at the guy oddly. Doug (the owner of the company) asked if the noise bothered them?

"No", the manager replied. He was angry because every time our generator came on his power went out....

I had to duck around the corner of the building I could not contain my laughter.


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## Deanofid (Mar 21, 2011)

Twmaster  said:
			
		

> 1. My best friend's girlfriend asked me how to spell I.D.



"My house is on fire! Quick, what's the number for 911?"


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## DOC123 (Mar 21, 2011)

Part of my job involves delivering babies. Nice job but it does give me an insight into new baby names. A very recent mum has named her new baby boy "Kaos"
I hope he grows into a lovely boy.


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## Foozer (Mar 21, 2011)

Was telling the Bride some of these, commenting on what chuckerheads are out there. she said i do not need to read about them, just go look in the mirror.

Robert


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## Cedge (Mar 23, 2011)

I won't forget the day I handed the young girl at McDonalds a 2 dollar bill. (Not a widely circulated US monetary denomination and something of a novelty to most people) She refused to take it. She called her manager, who threatened to call the police on me for trying to pass counterfeit money. I suggested she do so and a Sheriff's deputy quickly arrived. She launched into a tirade about low life crooks passing bogus money. The cop then walked her outside and quietly suggested that she take my perfectly legal tender and maybe offer up a few free meals to keep me quiet. The look on her face was beyond priceless.... and those free burgers weren't bad either.

Steve


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## MachineTom (Mar 23, 2011)

I've got another one to share. A few years ago I needed an MRI on my foot. Always I tell the office of my condition when making the appointment. An MRI is a large electro magnet with beams that yield a picture of the target after the computers do their thing.

So there I sit in my powered wheelchair, first question, can you walk? one look at the questioner and he knew the answer, then it begins 3 operators argue about how to get me in the room. Me, pointing out that the chair is AL not steel, AL being non-magnetic, small amount of steel in the gearboxes, isn't the magnet only on while the machine is operating? Deaf ears all. After 10+ minutes a supervisor shows up, says run the chair into the room. 

With directions these health care professionals place this rag doll body of mine on the table of the MRI. After blocking the foot with foam pieces, the supervisor asks can you turn your foot a bit to the left? No I can't, Why not she asks... 

Thank goodness these folks are trained professionals, imagine if they hired just anyone off the street.


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## Tin Falcon (Mar 23, 2011)

I do a lot of day travel for work. we are not provided gps. sometime out plans and next designation s change. 
so one day I am at a post office. and have to get to another one some 40 or so miles away. The supervisor offers to print out a map from an online search, map quest or the like. I graciously accept the offer . if it is not any trouble . Well after 20 minutes of futzing on the computer she gives up and I am still on my own for directions. The Peter principle in action maybe?
ya just have to wonder. 
Tin


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## Stan (Mar 23, 2011)

Years ago I went to the grocery store to get ten pounds of sugar. I arrived at the cashier with two five pound bags and asked why a ten pound bag cost more than two five pound bags. She had a very logical answer. It is because you get a bigger bag.


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## Dave G (Mar 23, 2011)

I live a short distance from a small village that has a large pond in the center of it. This pond is fed by warm springs and by a creek known as Cold Creek. This pond has only frozen once in the last 50 years during winter. This was 1976-1977, a very cold winter. The creek is known as the stream that never freezes and has a sign posted stating this. The long standing joke for our local idiots is that you don't need antifreeze in your car, just go down to Cold Creek and get some water out of it, that water never freezes. Don't know how many engine blocks have busted but it's been a joke around here since there have cars. Dave


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## tel (Mar 24, 2011)

Reminds me of the old ad - Rheem Hot Water Never Runs Cold! ;D


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## lathe nut (Mar 24, 2011)

for one of the Hurricanes here in SW Louisiana I had my Generator hook up and ready, well I was excited to find out from my wife that come out side that the power was off, I told her go in the house and I will start the generator, mind that it is an Onan, 37.7 KW, six cylinder engine, noise yes, I started the generator and then to the transfer switch, flipped the switch I was no distance from the house when she come running out trying to scream of the generator, You can shut the generator down we have power now, we have been married 40 years and looks like it not she is not going to get any smarter but there is hope, Lathe Nut


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## Bernd (Mar 24, 2011)

tel  said:
			
		

> Reminds me of the old ad - Rheem Hot Water Never Runs Cold! ;D



I love conversations with people who talk about "hot water heaters". I always ask, "Why do you want to heat hot water". The stupid look on their face as they try to answer that is precious.


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## rake60 (Mar 24, 2011)

OK, True Story....

An elderly couple who were regular "All Nighter's" at a local pub were there at 1:00 AM
when the power went out. At 1:30 AM the bar tender announced the bar was closing 
early.

Next morning he goes to open the bar at 10:00 AM.
The old couples car is still in the parking lot. He finds both of them laying motionless 
in on the seats. When he opens the car door to check on them they both wake up 
startled. 

Direct quotes:

*"What happened, wouldn't your car start?"*

*"Didn't even try. Bad enough to drive home drunk, but with the power out it would have
crazy to drive home drunk with no lights."*


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## Twmaster (Mar 25, 2011)

One thing I have learned over the years.... Any story that begins with.. "Ok, True Story...."


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## Ken I (Mar 25, 2011)

Security at one of my customers always check my trunk on leaving.

On one occasion the power went out so I left - security asked "can you please open your boot sir ?"

"Sorry its electrically operated and I can't do it with the power out."

He waved me through without blinking.


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## rudydubya (Mar 31, 2011)

Bernd  said:
			
		

> I love conversations with people who talk about "hot water heaters". I always ask, "Why do you want to heat hot water". The stupid look on their face as they try to answer that is precious.



I think it's a local cultural thing. Today's hardware store ad in the local newspaper, same as it has been for years. People around here might not buy a plain old water heater. It's just the way they are.


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## Bernd (Apr 1, 2011)

I'd go to the hardware store and ask "Where are the cold water heater tanks, I see you only have hot water heater's back there".

Bernd


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## milotrain (Apr 1, 2011)

rudydubya  said:
			
		

> I think it's a local cultural thing. Today's hardware store ad in the local newspaper, same as it has been for years. People around here might not buy a plain old water heater. It's just the way they are.



Actually it's not totally incorrect to say hot water heater. There are two ways you could justify it.

1. The "Nothing is cold argument."
Cold can be defined as a lack of heat, and true "COLD" is 0 Kelvin which doesn't exist as far as we know due to the laws of thermodynamics. So all water, no matter how cold is actually hot.

2. The "Constant energy exchange argument."
The second law of thermodynamics says that all systems that interact will eventually reach equalibrium, any hot water is constantly in a state of cooling and thus a water heater must always be in some step of it's "heating cycle" even if that state is off. Therefore a water heater is always "working" because the water is always cooling.

You have to constantly heat hot water or it will get cold.


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