Why I hate screw-on wine bottle tops

[arnoldb]

Just before finishing cooking dinner, I decided a nice glass of cheap (but good!) South African wine will go _very well_ with it. So I grabbed a bottle of cheapy from the top of my wine-rack (the better stuff is lower down) and proceeded to open it.

I'm used to opening wine bottles with my trusty "Swiss Army" knife - done it 100's of times, and can do it blindfolded .

Blindfolded steps are easy: Flip corkscrew from Victorinox, put finger on tip of corkscrew, move to top of bottle, feel about 5 millimeter down, shove corkscrew tip into bottle seal, turn bottle 360 degrees, move up & the top of the bottle seal comes away. Then turn corkscrew roughly down the center of the cork (or plastic plug ), shove bottle between feet on the floor, use feet side-pressure to retain bottle & yank on the 'Nox. This pops out the cork / plastic plug, so one can Pour & Drink.

So, attention split between what's happening on the stove and watching an interesting program on TV, I just do the normal blindfolded thing: Flip out the corkscrew from the 'Nox, put forefinger on the corkscrew tip & hold against the bottle (no looking; doing this by feel!), feel about 5 millimeters down from the top, shove the point of the corkscrew in & turn the bottle to remove the top of the seal.

Well, something was wrong... Bottles with real traditional lead seals usually takes a bit of turning effort because of the thickish lead. The newer aluminum based seals are a breeze with this method. This particular bottle required more effort than normal!

So I had to stop and look just what the ..... I was doing.

<red face> I could just have unscrewed the cap from the bottle for this one</red face>

..... Now why would someone break a great tradition of opening bottles & put a screw-cap on it!!! .....

Well, seeing as the top is "screwed", I'll just have to finish the bottle ;D

 

[zeeprogrammer]

Why I've gotten to love screw-on caps for wine...

Ever take a bottle along for a trip with bestest friend...away from the kids?..staying over somewhere?..forgot the opener?

Ever ready for a nice wine and the opener breaks?

Ever forget where the stupid opener is? Or find out someone (aforementioned kids) borrowed it?

Now-a-days...if there's a choice...I'll take the screw on.
Having said that...it doesn't mean I won't go for something special on certain occasions with aforementioned bestest friend.

Maybe once I become a bonified machinist I won't need no stinking opener...but I haven't even achieved manly man yet...no lawn tractor...no grill...no bowling ball. Someday though. (Well not the grill...I really like my bestest friend's cooking.)

'bestest friend' = wife of 33+ plus years. :-*..overseas and coming home for a week tomorrow...maybe I'd better put this wine away...gettin' maudlin now. (No shop work tonight.)

 

[baldrocker]

Somebody's got to design a steam powered bottle opener.
Go for it guys.

 

[zeeprogrammer]

What? Something practical? Useful? If I had the skills...I'd do it for sure.

But it's a catch-22.
If you build it...you must test it.
If you test it...you must open wine bottles.
If you open wine bottles...they must not be wasted.

And there we are...

If you waste it...you can continue machining but you're an idiot.
If you don't waste it...you're an idiot if you continue machining.

hm...don't like where this is going...an idiot machinist.

The answer might be in beer. I never found an answer in wine...as much as I love the stuff.

 

[arnoldb]

Somebody's got to design a steam powered bottle opener.

The thought had crossed my mind - inspired by Henry Kuttner's "The proud robot"
The main character in the book is a guy who invents things, but only when completely plastered. When he wakes up with amnesia from his binges he always finds contraptions in his house that he doesn't have a clue about.
One of these was a robot - he eventually figured out he built the robot to open special imported beer cans for him, and those beer cans promptly went out of production.

So, same problem as above - will I build a steam-powered bottle opener ? - it might look good & even work, but the danged screw-caps is going to make it obsolete ;D

Only alcohol allowed in my shop is the variety for cleaning things

Zeeprogrammer, enjoy your wive's visit - you guys have been married for nearly as long as I am old :bow:

 

[itowbig]

i saw on of those automated wine bottle openers somewhere. it was not steam powered but it did work.

 

[steamboatmodel]

They don't bother me I drink coffee.
Regards,
Gerald

 

[bearcar1]

Rof} Sounds like you had maybe better start purchasing some better wines, I just cut the end off of the bag and put the box back in the refrigerator Rof} Good thing it wasn'y a romantic candlelight dinner with your honey, now THAT would have been embarrassing! Rof}


We've all done silly things so do not punish yourself too badly. BTW: you had better finish that bottle off, I understand once the seal has been broken on those bottles they never really seal good again. ;D

OKAY, I'll stop now. :bow:

BC!