Idiot Sightings

[dsquire]

Idiot Sightings


I feel like a [size=22pt]VALEDICTORIAN !!!!!
I handed the teller @ my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00
I said "May I have large bills, please"

She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."
When I got up off the floor I explained it to her....
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IDIOT SIGHTING
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.'

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS

IDIOT SIGHTING
We had to have the garage door repaired.
The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.
He said, 'NO, it's not..' Four is larger than two.'

We haven't used Sears repair since.



IDIOT SIGHTING
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.
She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.'
The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.



IDIOT SIGHTING
I live in a semi rural area.
We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office
to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.
The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

From Kingman , KS


IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.
-- From Kansas City



IDIOT SIGHTING
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

Happened in Birmingham , Ala.



IDIOT SIGHTING
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS


IDIOT SIGHTING
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear co-worker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,'
our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.'
Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.


IDIOT SIGHTING
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself
and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff’s office, no less.



IDIOT SIGHTING
How would you pronounce this child's name?
"Le-a"
Leah?? NO
Lee - A?? NOPE
Lay - a?? NO
Lei?? Guess Again.
This child attends a school in Kansas City, Mo.
Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.
It's pronounced "Ledasha".
When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent."

SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash.
If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent.
[size=22pt] (PRICELESS!)

STAY ALERT!
They walk among us......and they VOTE and hold office...

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Cheers

Don

 

[Ken I]

My son had a broken speedo cable so the indicator was pegged at zero.

On going through a speed trap he commented to his girlfriend "damn I've just gone through a speed trap".

Her response was "Its O.K. your speedo is reading zero !"

Wheeeeeeeeeeeee

Ken

 

[DOC123]

Most of these may be urban myths but sadly the bably names are close.
See
http://thingsboganslike.com/a-bogue-by-any-other-name/

 

[Tin Falcon]

Personal Idiot sightings. Short version random order.

1) office worker using the retaining pit wall of a Gasoline tank as a smoking lounge.
2) Lowes manager asking where he could get a 3ft steel rule.
3)Telling a chemical plant operator that the scale does not work because the power cord is missing.
4) changing a printer ribbon in a "malfunctioning" printer because the office manager had no idea it had one or how to change it.
This is not urban legend folks I was there and witnessed this behavior.


as far as namesI have crossed paths with Candice Kane, I know a plumber named Leek , I see sparks electric trucks on a regular basis. There used to be a Benders Auto body shop nearby and IIRC there was a proctologist in town named Plumber. The other day i met a mechanic named Spare. No not kidding.
Tin

 

[steamer]

office worker using the retaining pit wall of a Gasoline tank as a smoking lounge..."





Well Tin, as a wise man once said...Can't fix Stupid!

Dave

 

[Tin Falcon]

A former co worker was working in the local fire dept rescue detail . My buddy asked a driver for his I D the name Shithead. no the person said it is Shi-thead. my buddy's response was "That is not how we pronounce it in America." (BTW the dash is silent in this case)
Tin

 

[mygrizzly1022]

Hi All

Recently when returning to my truck in the Canadian Tire parking lot I came across a young women struggling with a dead battery in her electronic key fob.
Try as she may the car doors remained locked. I offered to help and she gave me the device and said you try maybe it will work for you. I handed it back to her and asked her to try the key that said GM on it.
She looked at me rather sheepishly and asked rather demurely,” Could we pretend this conversation never took place?” I assured her of course I would not tell a soul, to which she responded “I bet”.
I live in a fairly small town and I come across this young lady from time to time and I am always greeted with a warm smile, and a wink.

Regards...Bert

 

[bearcar1]

Aooooooooooah! Bert you dog you! ("keep this little incident between between you and me") I'll just bet you did. :shrug: well, maybe........ :big:


BC1
Jim

 

[mygrizzly1022]

Jim.... I have to hope she is not a hobby metal worker... Bert

 

[Chitownmachine]

my boss tried convincing me that 3/4" decimal equiv is .34"....to which i replied, "No, its .75" A little more arguing and I asked him to take a calculator and divide 3/4 which he did and got .75 to which he told me that the calculator is wrong. And he considers me the dumb one??

 

[woodchip85]

A co-worker explaining the reason why people swim the English channel from England to France and not the other way round is it was down hill so it made easier Rof}

 

[Tin Falcon]

An old friend of mine had his ex wife convinced that his poor grandfather died at the tender age of five after falling out of a tree. think about it!
Tin

 

[nev]

Saw a policeman once with the Name "Ian Bashem"
Signed his name "I Bashem"


Had an argement with a female once who insisted that a quarter of a year is four months

 

[MachineTom]

An employee of 3 years one day asked me why I never got out of my wheelchair. After looking at him like he had 3 heads, I said its because i am paralized from the nipple line down. He asked why don't I just excersise more and build up my muscles!

A brain on some people is such a waste.

 

[Bernd]

Hi All

Recently when returning to my truck in the Canadian Tire parking lot I came across a young women struggling with a dead battery in her electronic key fob.
Try as she may the car doors remained locked. I offered to help and she gave me the device and said you try maybe it will work for you. I handed it back to her and asked her to try the key that said GM on it.

I had a moment like that with my wife. I'll tell you since she doesn't read this forum.............yet.

We had to be at our financier, so I meet her in the parking lot. And to make a long story short - she needed to get back in the car. She came back to me all frazzled saying she couldn't unlock the door. I went out with her with key fob in hand. I pressed the unlock button, nothing happened. Her response, "see I told you so". Then I push the second buttom and the key unfolds, I unlock the car door.

The look on her face................PRICELESS

But the best one I ever saw in person was a driver locking their door with the convertiable top "down".
Bernd

 

[jct842]

abut 20 years ago I used to have an African Grey parrot and a blond girlfriend. I used to give the bird tooth picks which he would take in his foot (hand) and nip off tiny chinks of it and roll them around under his top beak to clean it. then spit the pieces out. the blond one day asks why he had a tooth pick so I said the bird was picking junk out of his teeth. about 5 min later she screams at me "birds don't have teeth!"

 

[shred]

But the best one I ever saw in person was a driver locking their door with the convertiable top "down".
Bernd

On my convertible, you have to lock it to set the alarm & anti-theft. People look at me weird when I do it though

 

[Twmaster]

Here's a couple I've been witness (or is that wit-less) to:

1. My best friend's girlfriend asked me how to spell I.D.
2. A girl with the first name of Trey'Sure. She said it's pronounced 'treasure'. *sigh*

and #3. The best for last.

I used to work for an Internet Service Provider. We had a huge. I mean monstrous diesel generator out behind the building. We needed to keep gear inside powered 24/7. The manager from the used car lot across the alley came over one day while we were outside goofing off.

He wanted to ask us not to turn our generator on during business hours. Ok, I'm looking at the guy oddly. Doug (the owner of the company) asked if the noise bothered them?

"No", the manager replied. He was angry because every time our generator came on his power went out....

I had to duck around the corner of the building I could not contain my laughter.

 

[Deanofid]

1. My best friend's girlfriend asked me how to spell I.D.

"My house is on fire! Quick, what's the number for 911?"

 

[DOC123]

Part of my job involves delivering babies. Nice job but it does give me an insight into new baby names. A very recent mum has named her new baby boy "Kaos"
I hope he grows into a lovely boy.